I was in a meeting recently where people’s emotions really began taking over and some ugly behavior surfaced. Sarcasm, accusatory tones, and that juvenile “no I didn’t – yes you did” sort of arguing we engaged in when we were kids. One friend who was there too likened it to watching a train wreck.
I’m certainly not perfect and have reacted the same way…when someone asks you a question or makes a statement and your back just goes up. Suddenly your emotional level and the issue you’re supposed to be discussing are just way out of sync. Your anger – or whatever emotion your feeling or demonstrating – is just way more than the situation calls for.
Why does this type of behavior come out? Well, it’s often some sort of reaction to feeling attacked in some way, feeling a loss of control, or feeling frightened about something.
If you find yourself feeling very emotional over an issue it’s probably not that issue at the surface that has you upset.
Think about it. With the crash of the stock market we’re not upset over the loss of the money. For most of us it was just a number on a page anyway. We didn’t actually have the money in our hands. The emotions that we’re feeling are a combination of fear over the loss of what we saw as our security, panic as we scramble to cut expenses and worry about the future, and other emotions connected to feeling a loss of control over our lives.
When we lose our temper at work it’s really not because of the situation. It’s because of some underlying issue and often our pride is at the root of it.
When our boss calls us into her office we get this feeling of dread. A combination of fear and anxiety because we think we’re going to get called on the carpet for something…we’re afraid we’re getting laid off…maybe there’s more work to be dumped on our already sagging shoulders.
Depending on everything else going on our emotional levels may already be high.
While in the boss’s office our emotional level goes up very quickly since our feelings were raw to begin with. So later when a coworker (who maybe we really don’t like very much anyway) asks for help (again) we fly off the handle in a rage that’s out of sync with the request made.
We’re certainly not reacting in a Christ-like manner when things like this happen.
Aristotle said that “Anyone can become angry. That is easy. But to be angry with the right person, to the right degree, at the right time, for the right purpose and in the right way - that is not easy.”
Boy was he right!
We have to be conscious of our feelings and work to not react so quickly. When you feel your blood start to boil or your emotions in general start to rise, ask yourself why you’re reacting so strongly…what are you afraid of…what about yourself is feeling attacked…
I know this is a great challenge for all of us, especially in these very scary times but perhaps this is a true test of our faith and beliefs.
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