Attention: The world does not revolve around you

I just hung up with someone who told me she stopped coming to meetings of the networking group I belong to because people don't believe she's a "real" business person (she has a swing band) and didn't support her. She said she gave out free tickets to an event and no one came to see her.

I said I was sorry she felt people didn't respect her efforts but I didn't believe it was true that people don't believe she has a real business. I also pointed out that people are incredibly busy and even if they receive free tickets to an event they have to choose among a huge number of "must do's".

One of my former bosses was famous for saying "perception is reality" and "there's 3 sides to every situation...yours, mine, and the truth -- which is somewhere in the middle." He was dead on with both statements.

It can be very easy for us to believe our version of reality is in fact the truth. Our brain's naturally function that way. Our brain believes we're the most important person in the world and what we think and believe is normal, rational, and ideal. So if someone does something we believe is the opposite to what we would do in that same situation they must be odd or whatever adjective you care to use. That's because WE'RE not odd and we would have done something different.

This version of judging people and situations is how the brain works and how it makes sense of the various things we see and experience during any given day.

Before you rush to judgment about others stop to think about things from their perspective. What are all the reasons they would have acted the way they did? If you're only coming up with negative reasons stop and ask yourself for positive ones.

This may shock you but no one wakes up in the morning dreaming of ways to annoy you, hurt you, or drive you crazy. Some days that's harder to believe than others but it's true.

We're all simply trying to get our needs met. And sometimes we're a little more self-centered about it than others.

Instead, try thinking the best of people. Try starting off with assuming they never meant to hurt you, anger you, or upset you. For example, instead of assuming the person who walked by without saying hello was snubbing you, assume they were preoccupied and didn't see you. Afterall, haven't YOU been so preoccupied you didn't see someone?

When I was in the corporate universe someone complained to me about being "ignored" by a new VP who happened to by my husband's new boss. The employee went on and on about what a disgrace it was this person couldn't be bothered to say hello to a regular employee and how this VP would find it hard to lead a division of people when line employees weren't following him.

I asked the employee where this insult had taken place. He told me. It was in the noisiest area of the building. I asked him which direction they each were traveling in. He told me. It was on the new VP's deaf side.

I pointed this out to him and he said "gee, I didn't know that."

My point exactly.

There's lots about other people we don't know and yet we leap to conclusions and judgments about them.

And yet, as Christ so well pointed out how can we point out the splinter in somone's eye when we have a PLANK sticking out of our own?

Comments

[Moncler jackets]

Next time I'll put on some lederhose and sing "Adelvice". That should shatter the Captain Von Trapp illusions most thoroughly..

[Moncler jackets]

Yeah the phrase, "you get what you pay for," seems operative here :). Having taken some art classes, I assure you that at least 95% of the people who want to take their clothes off for you are not people you want to take their clothes off :)

Thank you, good article